Penny's Mum's Favourite Jokes.
Penny says her mum had a wicked sense of humour. Here a few of her favourites. What do you think, wicked or wise?
IF NOBODY KNOWS THE TROUBLES YOU’VE BEEN, THEN YOU DON’T LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN.
TACT IS FOR THOSE WHO LACK THE WIT FOR SARCASM.
HARD WORK NEVER KILLED ANYONE. BUT WHY TAKE THE CHANCE.
IF IGNORANCE ISN’T BLISS, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.
LIVE WITHIN YOUR INCOME EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO BORROW TO DO SO.
WHEN IT COMES TO THOUGHT SOME PEOPLE STOP AT NOTHING.
IT’S LONELY AT THE TOP. WELL, IT’S NO BIG PARTY AT THE BOTTOM.
AGEING IS BAD. THE REAL KILLER IS WHEN IT STOPS.
MAY YOU BE LIKE TOILET PAPER, LONG AND USEFUL.
LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND. THIS IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.
EXPERIENCE IS SOMETHING YOU DON’T GET UNTIL JUST AFTER YOU NEED IT.
EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT IN THE END. IF IT ISN’T THEN IT’S NOT THE END.
DOGS CAN’T SMELL FEAR, BUT THEY CAN SMELL WET PANTS.
DON’T LET YOURSELF SUFFER NEEDLESSLY, FIND A NEED TO SUFFER.
NO ONE CAN MAKE A FOOL OF YOU. IT’S A DO IT YOURSELF PROPOSITION.
THE BEST WAY TO SAVE FACE IS TO KEEP THE LOWER HALF SHUT.
AGE IS AN ISSUE OF MIND OVER MATTER. IF YOU DON’T MIND IT DOESN’T MATTER.
DOING NOTHING GETS TIRESOME BECAUSE YOU CAN’T STOP AND REST.
DINNER IS JUST DEAD ANIMALS AND SOME STUFF DUG OUT OF THE DIRT.
TRASH IS STUFF YOU THROW AWAY. STUFF IS THE TRASH YOU KEEP.
MY MIND NOT ONLY WANDERS, BUT IT ALSO SOMETIMES LEAVES COMPLETELY.
WORRY IS LIKE A ROCKING CHAIR; IT WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO DO BUT IT WON’T GET YOU ANYWHERE.
IF FLYING IS SO SAFE, WHY DO THEY CALL THE AIRPORT A TERMINAL.
YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE, BUT IT IS POSSIBLE TO MAKE THEM ALL MAD AT THE SAME TIME.
BEING POOR BEATS BEING DEAD.
ANY FOOL CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE. WHICH MAT EXPLAIN POLITICIANS.
BY THE TIME YOU’RE WISE ENOUGH TO WATCH YOUR STEP YOU’RE TOO OLD TO GO ANYWHERE.
AGE IS MIND OVER MATTER, IF YOU DON’T MIND IT DOESN’T MATTER.
A YOUNG MAN IS LOOKING FEVERISHLY ABOUT THE HOUSE AND FINALLY CAN’T STAND IT ANY LONGER. HE SHOUTS OUT FROM HIS ROOM, HAVE YOU SEEN MY PILLS, I PUT THEM IN YOUR HEADACHE TABLET BOTTLE AND MARKED IT LSD.
GRANNY RESPONDS, BUGGER YOUR PILLS, HAVE YOU SEEN ALL THE DRAGONS' PLAYING TROMBONES IN THE KITCHEN?
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